Ok so there is a fairly new SD I’ve been seeing recently who oversees accounting and all company-wide financial reporting for a well known mid-size corporation here in town. He lives fairly close in a suburban enclave. I’ll call the CFO.
So we met, clicked just fine and eventually after a few dinner dates were intimate. Nothing crazy, no hanging from the chandeliers since he’s an older gentleman but nice enough and pleasant all around. To date it is the only time we have been physical. Most of the time when we are together is spent talking…it seems he’s stuck at a job he positively hates. he talks about it all the time. I don't mind, that's my purpose to help him blow off steam. He’s senior management and was wooed there from another company for more money about 2 years ago. Once he arrived at his current company he realized not only did he absolutely hate his new job but his coworkers as well. He wants to just jump ship and leave but in this recession he understands its not the best time for “change.” So there is alot of frustration and anxiety for him lately that’s he’s never experienced in his work career before. We often talk about this at length, I’m a great sounding board and I think he was surprised that I proved to be a good confidante and actually had relevant feedback to contribute regarding his situation.
So all and all I was comfortable with the gradual progression of things and it had looked like the beginnings of a good arrangement. Immediately after we meet he always sends a long flowery email gushing and praising the great time he had, how pleased he is that we have taken the steps we have and overall pleased with our future prospects. Ok…good! I usually respond with a positive message indicating that I also had a nice time, feel comfortable and look forward to proceeding. All is well. So last week I assume we will be meeting again as we regularly have on Fridays. He says he can’t make it …I’m alittle confused and gently remind him that my intent was a consistent arrangement perhaps I misunderstood. He emails me back saying that his intent was always once or twice a month and if I’m adamant about more frequency he just can’t do it. I email him back and say I get that but just let me know what works for you and we’ll go from there. Trying to keep it light because honestly, I’m fine with this. My email regarding the “consistency” of our arrangement was more so because I just want to make sure we’re clear that whether he sees me once a month, more often or not at all that our arrangement still stands and I need to see my allowance in full. Not a discounted allowance or forgotten all together regardless of what his schedule or availability is like that month. I think he read it more as I’m super-pressed to see him all the time, or I need his body bad or something like I’m more attached and high maintenance than I really am. Now I know the tone in emails does not always translate and I have been accused of coming across cold or snippy in the past because I prefer things VERY CLEAR and spelled out so noone had any misunderstanding about what we are doing or dashed expectations. However, after my email the CFO then calls me while I’m busy with work so I ignore and figure I will call him back later, then he emails, emails again, emails yet again, sends a text message, then calls again gets no answer then texts me again. Something in my message has sent him into a tailspin, he wants to make sure i will continue to see him, that he doesn’t want to even think of not seeing me anymore and he MUST talk to me before 7pm …wtf? My message really wasn’t all that serious.
So finally around 6pm, I send him a text saying I’m on my way home and I’ll call him in 10 minutes which turns into 30 but when I dial his number it isn’t going through. I assume he’s headed home and turned his cell phone off lest I return his call at an inopportune moment but I don’t want to seem like a flake that never called him back so I send him a text as well. He immediately calls me back. Then commences the longest conversation I EVER had in MY LIFE.
So our initial arrangement was already VERY modest by SB standards…a very basic amount per month but enough to serve its purpose and be useful to me. Once CFO has me on the line he launches into this diatribe about his work situation and how he is not entirely sure where he stands there--he may just leave if it become insuffereable, he may take something that potentially pays less, he might even get laid off if the company continues to lose money. He details to me how he’s been forced to cut back recently on many things, how their lives’ expenses have slowly over the years become bigger than their income and he want to make sure that I am being “sensitive” to all of this, etc. etc. etc.
And I’m wondering to myself –“Why are you telling me all this?”
I mean not that I don’t care or that he can’t discuss what is on his mind with me but why are you telling me this NOW? what am i supposed to do with that information? Especially since I am aware of your issues and have already graciously given you an out. He kept repeating that he wanted to keep seeing me, he wanted this to work out, this is what he has always been looking for…
Which all sounds good and well to me until a situation should arise and there comes a month when my allowance isn’t in my account and then I am caught in the uncomfortable position of explaining to him that Sugarbaby Sweetheart can’t just live on “gosh you’re really swell...”
The thing is he wasn’t DIRECTLY saying that possible changes in his financial situation were going to affect ME in any way. He just kept going on and on and on and I couldn’t tell where he was going with this…
So we met, clicked just fine and eventually after a few dinner dates were intimate. Nothing crazy, no hanging from the chandeliers since he’s an older gentleman but nice enough and pleasant all around. To date it is the only time we have been physical. Most of the time when we are together is spent talking…it seems he’s stuck at a job he positively hates. he talks about it all the time. I don't mind, that's my purpose to help him blow off steam. He’s senior management and was wooed there from another company for more money about 2 years ago. Once he arrived at his current company he realized not only did he absolutely hate his new job but his coworkers as well. He wants to just jump ship and leave but in this recession he understands its not the best time for “change.” So there is alot of frustration and anxiety for him lately that’s he’s never experienced in his work career before. We often talk about this at length, I’m a great sounding board and I think he was surprised that I proved to be a good confidante and actually had relevant feedback to contribute regarding his situation.
So all and all I was comfortable with the gradual progression of things and it had looked like the beginnings of a good arrangement. Immediately after we meet he always sends a long flowery email gushing and praising the great time he had, how pleased he is that we have taken the steps we have and overall pleased with our future prospects. Ok…good! I usually respond with a positive message indicating that I also had a nice time, feel comfortable and look forward to proceeding. All is well. So last week I assume we will be meeting again as we regularly have on Fridays. He says he can’t make it …I’m alittle confused and gently remind him that my intent was a consistent arrangement perhaps I misunderstood. He emails me back saying that his intent was always once or twice a month and if I’m adamant about more frequency he just can’t do it. I email him back and say I get that but just let me know what works for you and we’ll go from there. Trying to keep it light because honestly, I’m fine with this. My email regarding the “consistency” of our arrangement was more so because I just want to make sure we’re clear that whether he sees me once a month, more often or not at all that our arrangement still stands and I need to see my allowance in full. Not a discounted allowance or forgotten all together regardless of what his schedule or availability is like that month. I think he read it more as I’m super-pressed to see him all the time, or I need his body bad or something like I’m more attached and high maintenance than I really am. Now I know the tone in emails does not always translate and I have been accused of coming across cold or snippy in the past because I prefer things VERY CLEAR and spelled out so noone had any misunderstanding about what we are doing or dashed expectations. However, after my email the CFO then calls me while I’m busy with work so I ignore and figure I will call him back later, then he emails, emails again, emails yet again, sends a text message, then calls again gets no answer then texts me again. Something in my message has sent him into a tailspin, he wants to make sure i will continue to see him, that he doesn’t want to even think of not seeing me anymore and he MUST talk to me before 7pm …wtf? My message really wasn’t all that serious.
So finally around 6pm, I send him a text saying I’m on my way home and I’ll call him in 10 minutes which turns into 30 but when I dial his number it isn’t going through. I assume he’s headed home and turned his cell phone off lest I return his call at an inopportune moment but I don’t want to seem like a flake that never called him back so I send him a text as well. He immediately calls me back. Then commences the longest conversation I EVER had in MY LIFE.
So our initial arrangement was already VERY modest by SB standards…a very basic amount per month but enough to serve its purpose and be useful to me. Once CFO has me on the line he launches into this diatribe about his work situation and how he is not entirely sure where he stands there--he may just leave if it become insuffereable, he may take something that potentially pays less, he might even get laid off if the company continues to lose money. He details to me how he’s been forced to cut back recently on many things, how their lives’ expenses have slowly over the years become bigger than their income and he want to make sure that I am being “sensitive” to all of this, etc. etc. etc.
And I’m wondering to myself –“Why are you telling me all this?”
I mean not that I don’t care or that he can’t discuss what is on his mind with me but why are you telling me this NOW? what am i supposed to do with that information? Especially since I am aware of your issues and have already graciously given you an out. He kept repeating that he wanted to keep seeing me, he wanted this to work out, this is what he has always been looking for…
Which all sounds good and well to me until a situation should arise and there comes a month when my allowance isn’t in my account and then I am caught in the uncomfortable position of explaining to him that Sugarbaby Sweetheart can’t just live on “gosh you’re really swell...”
The thing is he wasn’t DIRECTLY saying that possible changes in his financial situation were going to affect ME in any way. He just kept going on and on and on and I couldn’t tell where he was going with this…
Are you saying you can’t afford to see me anymore?
You don’t want an arrangement and want to see someone else more casually?
Are you trying to renegotiate our arrangement?
WHAT!?! What are you trying to say??
The point seemed to never arrive and I was starting to get antsy…I kept trying to interject saying “well I understand you have a lot of changes going on right now. You know where I stand, so why don’t YOU take a little time to think things over and get back to me” or “why don’t you mull things over, figure out what works for YOU and we’ll reconvene and discuss this later.” But he was intent on having me sit on the phone while he pro- and con-ned his way to I don’t know what kind of a resolution. Finally I begged off and said "I just got home I need to shower and have dinner, lets talk tomorrow" to which he meekly relied “but I don’t want to let you go…”
Yeah buddy…I had gathered that'
So again I begged off and he let me hang up only after I promised to call him tomorrow.
In thinking about it as I soaked in my tub and trying to put things into perspective, I am pretty sure that he’s not all that well versed at this infidelity thing. We haven’t spoken about it directly but i know he still has a traditional wife at home and he has told me he has 2 almost grown children, a daughter and son that are very close if not exactly my age. I know the daughter is actually starting work on the same advanced degree as I am working on right now so he knows my expenses and he says he understands that I’m just trying to clarify our situation so I can budget accordingly.
My concern is that he is very wrapped up in me…don’t get me wrong he is a LOVELY man. I would not be seeing him otherwise. He is kind and affectionate, very distinguished and handsome for his age and we get on just great. However, I recognize that right now at this point in his life he acknowledges that he is older and at about 30 years plus in his marriage, with almost grown kids and all of their issues, there is clearly some unexpected turmoil going on in his work life and here comes this pretty caramel thing, half his age that is COMPLETELY ROCKING HIS WORLD and COMPLETELY DIFFERENT then anything or anyone he’s experienced in his vanilla life. So I get that he may be alittle excited. My concern is that it’s TOO excited…he tosses around words like OUR RELATIONSHIP instead of OUR ARRANGEMENT or OUR FRIENDSHIP and he means relationship in the traditional sense of the word. He clearly doesn’t want to leave when he actually is here with me and pushes for as much contact as possible when we’re apart…daily calls, texts, long drawn out email messages. Which I don’t generally have a problem with, but with him it is starting to feel like he is falling in this much more than is realistic for the arrangment we have. It is not a serious problem but it does concern me. Especially when he uttered something to the effect of “I had no intention when we met to find myself looking up and realizing that you could be someone I fall in love with”
WHAAAATTTT?
So this morning I’m at the office and a text message comes through bright and early from the CFO at exactly 9:01am:
“Hi call me when u can”
As if it was the very first thing he thought of this morning was to sit down and call me as soon as he arrived at his office.
Not quite obsessive but abit overly engaged nonetheless. I’m starting to think it’s just too heavy for me and I should just step away from the situation. Between his concern over his finances, his attachment to me and neediness, I might just have to let this one go
What do you guys think?
i think the risk to reward ratio with this man may not be worth it... he just seems like a lot of work for a low allowance... i hate having to baby a first timer... i hope you are more patient than I am
ReplyDeleteI might not have much experience, but I can agree with Goal Digger. I don't think you should ever be put on an arrangement where there is the risk of not getting your allowance. Specially if you're not 100% comfortable with him.
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty of other willing men out there (: